At almost 26 I felt a little ashamed I had to google how to boil an egg. I even failed at that and had to ask my mum. Yup. This is not the first time I have failed as an adult.
And this got me thinking about what else is hard. You know, things as ‘adults’ we should immediately acquire the skills and knowledge for when you turn a certain age. Because life is actually kind of difficult when you factor these in …
One of my friends cleaned their window with oven cleaner. They know who they are. If you’re reading this and you’re annoyed, tough. I did tell you not to. I’m not even sure I can excuse this one. All I can say is, he most definitely just saw ‘cleaner’ and that was enough.
One of the most stupid cleaning moments I’ve had was while I was living alone in Paris. Parisians do not have the best plumbing. A girl I met there told me her electric generator loomed over her shower. She was risking her life each time she showered. Which was actually real dedication to being clean.
But for me, my kitchen sink stopped working. By that I mean it was blocked. By that I mean I blocked it. So I went and bought something, pour un-bloquer. This was serious looking stuff and I believed in it. Unfortunately it’s seriousness was also my downfall. I failed to notice a huge corrosive sign on the back. Red, angry and telling me something. Moments of internet translation later I realised this was most definitely, a. going to strip my hands, sink and throat (if I let it) and b. was NOT for kitchen sinks.
I spent the last few weeks using my bathroom sink to wash up in. Massive fail.
Someone else is going to steal the limelight on this one. Because I’m actually a pretty good cook. Unless you count the time I set the oven on fire and two fire engines came, which wasn’t really my fault…
No, who isn’t a great cook is my dad. I remember we made fairy cakes once when I was about eight. The kind that comes in a packet because I guess one day my mum thought we should be doing more things together. Which we did. Car boots and trips to the dump. (Yup, the dump)
We had flour, icing sugar and those tracing paper pictures you could eat. Both the flour and icing sugar bag looked very similar and I guess it wasn’t really his fault. But, he baked the icing sugar. After that we didn’t bake again.
This isn’t really cooking? Okay he once gave me pink-ish chicken. We were all concerned. But I ate it out of love because it was a meal only my dad and I were having together. He seemed upset about it. I later discovered both of us had asked my mum on separate occasions if we’d be okay. We were.
Ironing should be easy. I iron my hair and that works pretty well. Washing should be easy. I wash…myself and that also works pretty well.
Most of the time when it comes to my clothes, it doesn’t so much. I’ve always been told the creases will eventually “drop out” but generally they have a habit of “dropping in”, uninvited.
I spent a good three years of my student life not ironing at all. I was sort of disturbed at university people did. Because unless you iron your clothes you don’t know the difference. Most students definitely use their ironing board as a makeshift bar. And they would be right in doing so. As a “proper” adult I can’t get away with it anymore. (Mum is especially opposed to bar idea, pfft)
Washing is easier. I actually don’t mind it. My failings worked in my favour recently when I shrunk someone’s jumper I “borrowed”. It’s now the perfect fit (and crime).
I fail at a lot of other things. Like, directions. Talking, some days. Getting up. Especially getting up… And not forgetting, opening jars
Feel free to tell me what you fail at… I’d like that